A Modest Proposal

A Modest Proposal in This Post-Modern Age of Civility and Progressive Pragmatism for Preventing the Offspring Products of Rape and Incest from Destroying America

            We have all seen them lurking about in the poor African-American neighborhoods and the white trash areas of town and innumerable ghettos throughout the length and breadth of this great nation—their Neanderthal ways, knuckles dragging the garbage ridden, filthy sidewalks in broken down, rat infested hellhole neighborhoods. The scourge is spreading day by day.  They breed profusely and range freely, pushing even into the vast wasteland—fly-over country, clinging desperately and pathetically to their guns and religion. A menace to Society. Seeking out the pure and innocent to pounce upon. These homoplastic humanoids maraud in mobs around the first day of every month, clutching their government checks, a docile, stupid look in their watery red eyes, eager to satiate their overhung bellies.  Pushing Wal-Mart shopping carts laden down with grotesque, obese babies and stacked to overflowing with all manner of high fructose, high fat junk food—Mountain Dew, Pepsi, pound cakes, potato chips, pork rinds, Twinkies, sausages, cheap beer, and frozen pizzas.  Can Civil Society endure this rabble any longer? Clearly, the answer is no, we cannot.

            Therefore, let us view the challenge with a new sense of clarity, urgency, and humane pragmatism, just as our forward thinking predecessor saw these misfits for what they were decades ago:  “All Society’s (sic) mass problems seemed to be centered around uncontrolled breeding.”   If we have the courage to do so, there can be but one course of action.  As a fundamental benchmark, I will state it plainly:  The purview of Society to abort unwanted children as decided by the Supreme Court will be preserved at all cost.  Furthermore, Society’s right to define “unwanted” must be ubiquitously promulgated throughout the land.  Now to the heart of the matter—this axiom is especially true as it pertains to the unwanted products of conception resulting from incest and rape, whether it be in the Third Trimester or beyond.  We have fallen dreadfully behind the perpetual breeding curve.  Therefore, prompt, decisive action is necessitated. 

In an earnest attempt to encourage a degree of civility toward an otherwise divisive and controversial issue, I shall attempt to present an objective and sensible treatise relying on intuitive reasoning and observation in addition to what may at first appear to be a radical scheme for a final solution, but in my mind merely a logical progression from where we are currently, and by all accounts a modern day modest proposal which may bring some sense of compromise and agreement between otherwise disparate groups:  Pro-choice and Anti-choice factions.

            To begin with, and by way of objective observation, there are zealots in both camps.  Anti-Choice extremists who would make no exception for Pro-Choice rights whatsoever, gleefully putting the life of the mother in jeopardy at every turn.  On the other end of the spectrum, Pro-Choice extremists would put no limits on the practice as long as the woman wants an abortion, or can be persuaded to have one for any reason, she should have it, which can be alarmingly graphic (as observed, from time to time, on the sides of the notorious “rescue” vans).  In order to prove a point, each coalition has staked out what they consider to be indefensible positions held by the opposition, that is to say, the straw man argument.  For example, Anti-Choice proponents contend that the so-called partial birth abortions are so egregious as to be barbaric and the logical devolution of choice gone amuck, the end result being graphic pictures on the sides of trucks.  On the other hand, Pro-Choice proponents quite convincingly argue that disallowing abortions in the case of rape and/or incest shows a complete and utter disregard for empathy and humane consideration for the severely abused woman.  This is a powerfully effective argument especially when the hypothetical is personalized:  What if it happened to your wife, your daughter, or your sister?  Even though there are only a few thousand such abortions committed each year—statistically negligible and hardly worth mentioning during a cheerful discussion—nevertheless, the precedent is well established and dutifully embraced by civil society.  Setting aside all the rest, common ground is quickly coming into fashion, if not for the lunatic fringe, at least for Post Christian Conservatives and Post Modern Progressives as it pertains to incest and rape.

            Reasonable people agree that abortions should be performed in the case of incest and rape.  Even the most fervent Pro-Lifer is reduced to a scratching-of-the-head when pushed into this seemingly untenable corner (For example, the Republican presidential candidate, after professing himself a Pro-Lifer, teetered this direction in the last election.  Whether it was a heart-felt conviction or merely a political calculation, who can tell?).  Notice that I assert “should be performed,” and not “should be available.”  The distinction is direct and intentional given the outcome of allowing these pregnancies to run their course resulting in an undesirable birth with the inevitable consequences that we have all seen and innumerable scourges that can only be imagined.  Now, we have at last established common ground whereupon the Pro-Choice advocates and the Anti-Choice advocates may stand and warmly embrace!  It bodes well for my treatise and the future of our country.  There is only a baby step left to take into our next brave new world.  I for one take that step severely and most judiciously, nevertheless, enthusiastically.  

As it pertains to incest and rape, Society must, for a number of urgent reasons, discover and terminate those who have already slipped through the net.  The problem has critical immediacy that must be attended to now—that is to say; those untold millions who have squirmed through Society’s failed filtering system.   I contend that we cannot merely wait decades for these unwanted criminals to pass away peacefully and naturally, meanwhile bringing havoc and ruin upon our nation: living in squalor, bankrupting SSI, multiplying the national debt, spreading their innate diseases, clogging our health and human services departments—emergency rooms, hospital beds, jails, public schools, etc. etc.  But worst of all, imposing shame and intolerable recollections upon the innocent victim who must daily consider the whereabouts and status of that vile offspring, even though, as certain self-perceived authorities have attested, she failed in her part to “shut down her reproductive organs” and was therefore somewhat liable in the outcome.  Nevertheless, Society must provide closure for the violated woman, who suffers alone, cowering and trembling in the shadows.  Her welfare and perpetual defense must be our paramount concern.  No other polite considerations need be entertained. 

Heretofore, the daunting task of weeding out this vast expanse of the unwashed and unwanted would have been impossible, relying completely on word-of-mouth and other subjective techniques which, unfortunately, lend themselves too easily to a predictable corruption—perhaps resulting in many worthwhile/legitimate lives being unfairly eliminated.  After all, we are and should continue to be a just society.  Thankfully, we now have the scientific means and technology, and sufficient government workers, to attack this problem head-on; to precisely identify, track, and intercept these target individuals using DNA identifiers.  It is time to go about the necessary business.

            Therefore, I urge a new way of thinking—a new paradigm.  Yet, it is merely the logical, pragmatic, and indeed, humane approach to the before mentioned cataclysm.  As a sidebar, it must be stated that there is no doubt that we progressives (who are offering the only workable solution) have been forced into these severe circumstances by those who claim to simply “care about innocent human life.”  Because of their insufferable fanaticism, we find ourselves—the productive, educated elite—surrounded by, and utterly engulfed by, an encroaching dark cloud, a kind of sub-human species, millions of degenerates who over the decades have slipped through the holes in our safety net.  This shamefully conceived progeny would be cleanly dispatched up through the Third Trimester, except that the so-called Pro-Lifers have exercised their inhumane and dangerous false religion.  Enlightened people must consider that this illegitimate Anti-Choice movement is more than likely (future testing will verify) statistically highly populated by the same inbreeds and criminal seed they seek to protect and proliferate either directly (I would argue), or indirectly.  For the good of the whole, and the purity of our citizenry, a new paradigm must be embraced.

             Many do-gooders—bleeding heart liberals—perhaps, or the so-called religious right, may counter that there are important exceptions—forthright, productive citizens, nevertheless, conceived as a result of incest or rape—even as Jessie Owens became a glaring exception to the well-established fact of evolution and used as a powerful propaganda tool by the ignorant opposition, much to the chagrin of the progressive thinking people of that day—these so-called special cases are routinely trotted out onto the Anti-Choice stage.  Therefore, I concede this minor point, but I declare it to be a mere aberration, a pesky deviation that must be eliminated forthwith so as not to skew the consensus bar-graph, if for no other reason than Society cannot abide these rare anomalies and more importantly, occasionally, as has been exacted in the past, an innocent person must be sacrificed for the greater good.  So it is with the incest/rape progeny who have by hook or by crook achieved a modicum of respectability and success and who, because of their mendacious status, are emboldened to speak out in these matters of great importance as a means of self-justification and self-preservation, whereas one ounce of decency would compel them to remain silent in their abject shame.  Now, to the nuts and bolts of my scheme.

I do not profess myself to be a detail man.  Most of the specifics can be readily worked out by the government authorities.  However, I will not shun my civic duty.  Therefore, I recommend a simple strategy for identifying the target gaggle.  Naturally, we will need to employ the services of the medical people, along the way.  The heart of my plan calls for establishing DNA testing sites in every Wal-Mart, Golden Corral, Chick-Filet, NASCAR event, bus station, shooting range, and public library in the country.  In addition, random stoppage of pick-up trucks, SUV’s, Ford vehicles, and autos more than five years old:  the occupants summarily dragged out and blood drawn on the spot.  With the resultant DNA library, records can be systematically computerized by name, age, Social Security number, and address.  All malefactors will be rounded up by local authorities, extradited to Federal prisons then moved to holding camps for final processing.  These procedures should prove to be efficient and not in the least cumbersome. Using this strategy alone (reliable calculations suggest) should result in the capture of 95% by the end of a concentrated two year program.  The remainder will be tracked down and dispatched by the CIA with the help of the IRS and citizen informants.  The bottom-line, one-time cost to taxpayers from beginning to end (identifying targets and disposing of same) is estimated to be approximately 340 billion dollars—a substantial savings when compared to the nearly 800 billion dollars annual cost for incarceration, food stamps, health care, criminal behavior, drugs, drunkenness, etc. etc. 

For those of you timid folk who, being overly cautious, contend that overt testing will drive these vermin into hiding, you have no understanding of their pathetic psychology.  It is like the conditioned hog who immediately returns to the slop trough even as its father, mother, sister or brother are shot, slit, bleed out, and dragged by the hocks from the mud pen, so too will these ingrates and criminal seed continue in their slothful, sloppy ways, and habitats.  Nevertheless, in order to assure eager compliance, we are prepared to hand out free cell phones at every designated location.  Therefore, let the testing begin.  Immediately!  Personally, I have nothing to fear—my pedigree proven, my heritage pure (shown scientifically by the shape of the head; skin, eye, and hair color, as well as my bearing), as it should be with every legitimate lineage. But I digress from the salient point of discussion and the emergency at hand.

            In conclusion, a word of caution is in order.  There will be fanatics (as there always are) who will argue that Society is punishing the innocent.  My dear friends, you are not punishing the weeds that you pull from a cultivated, well-tended garden; rather, you are providing a healthy environment in which good seed can grow.  Allow the sunshine, warm rain, and gentle breezes clear passage. Furthermore, the weed-seed planters—the vile rapist and the depraved near kinsman, must be executed forthwith and without fanfare, as the best means of prevention.  Let there be no confusion, I do not speak metaphorically.  There can be no objective argument that this aspect of just retribution is needed—and agreed to by responsible, reasonable people—yet, capital punishment for these egregious crimes is currently avoided by our indulgent and cowardly citizenry much to the degradation, shame, and destruction of us all. The result is an appalling debauchery, which we are obliged to confront decisively.